I went for Hajj in 2019 – not because I was craving to go. But because I’d settled my debts and I wanted to fulfil this duty of a lifetime.
I didn’t wait for perfect conditions, or for my kids to be enrolled in my dream school. Though I desired all this and more, I believed it would be ‘selfish’ to prioritise my wants before Hajj. After all, a duty is a duty, isn’t it?
The women in my Hajj group seemed way wealthier and older than me, and this made me momentarily wonder if I’d rushed with my decision. Perhaps I should have waited?
On the other hand, I heard from other sisters who couldn’t make it to Hajj that year. They’d say, “For years and years, I’ve been making duaa to go for Hajj.” Or something along those lines. I did make duaa, but not for “years and years”. And I again wondered if I truly deserved to be there, to be visiting Allaah’s House. Maybe I needed to ‘feel’ a whole different level of religiosity before making this journey?
Shooing those thoughts away, I decided to focus on the blessing I’d been granted. To be grateful for the journey and to fulfil my obligation. You see, I wasn’t aiming for the most perfect Hajj. I simply wanted an accepted one.
During our time in Arafah, it rained like crazy for some time. Rain? In the middle of Hajj? You can imagine: People rushed out of their tents, raised their hands to the sky and couldn’t help but cry their hearts out. It was truly a humbling experience that cannot be described in words.
And… we completed Hajj successfully, despite the hiccups and “patience tests” along the way.
Altogether, the amazing Hajj journey – I’m sure you’ve heard – brings you back to your purpose and makes you realise the “uselessness” of the million things we do. Returning calls to friends who gossip. Attending haram parties and get-togethers. Watching programmes and shows that are packaged as “useful”, but are really just another distraction, another endless “trap”.
Hajj also taught me the importance of being mindful of the actions we do on a daily basis. Who you are today is who you will be when you’re on Hajj. You cannot miraculously be a whole new “awesome, special, extra-super” slave of Allaah on Hajj! It truly is a journey of growth – for those who want to grow.
May Allah answer all your duas and grant you the opportunity to visit His House at least once in your lifetime. Say, ‘Aameen!’
(Side note: The next year, during Hajj 2020, COVID had happened. How would I have felt if I hadn’t grabbed the opportunity?)
