7 Ways to Easily Manage a Misbehaving Teenager Without Losing Your Calm
I have a daughter who is in her teens. (And I used to be a teenager myself, some years ago. Ok, many years ago. So I have those 7 years of first-hand experience too? You agree?) Teenagers are often misunderstood by their parents and teachers. When your teenager misbehaves, think back to the time when you were a teenager.
The teenage years are challenging for everyone involved. Parents need to understand that teenagers are growing into adults. They’re not babies anymore and they have a lot going on inside their heads.
According to data from a 2011 Centers for Disease Control and Prevention survey of more than 15,000 U.S. high-school students, 9 percent of all students had used alcohol or marijuana during school.
If your child’s classroom has 30 students, there are possibly 2-3 children in that classroom who have already had alcohol or marijuana or are going to. The data is old and it’s probably worse now than it was.
This is just one of the many reasons why we have to take parenting more seriously and protect our teenagers now more than ever.
Teenagers don’t always know what they’re thinking or feeling. We need to teach teens how to manage their feelings and behaviors. They don’t plan to misbehave. Most of the time, they just want attention, validation, love and a role model they can look up to.
Nevertheless, when your teenager misbehaves, you want to handle it in the best way without losing your calm. And how do you do that?
1. Make Duaa
If your teenager misbehaves, the best thing to do is to ask Allaah to guide them and set their affairs straight. The duaa of the parent is accepted. So, put this power to the best use. It can move mountains and even change Qadr.
2. Remind Them To Pray
The Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Between a man and shirk (polytheism) and kufr stands his giving up prayer.” (Narrated by Muslim, 82)
Let it be the first priority. The daily prayers will keep them away from much misbehavior.
3. Treat Them With Importance
It’s better to not treat them like a child. They prefer it when people treat them with importance, respect and understanding. This will help them feel more comfortable talking to you about their thoughts and feelings.
You should also try to avoid making assumptions about their behavior. Instead, ask questions and listen carefully.
4. Help Them Make Righteous Friends
Get them to mingle with righteous teenagers. Keep them away from ill-mannered teenagers even if that means changing their school.
Teens need friends who can influence them positively and bring out the best in them. There is unlimited positive potential in your teenager and you don’t want all that to go to waste.
If you make an effort to understand your teen’s friends, you’ll be able to spot warning signs of trouble before it starts.
5. Encourage Good Behavior
It’s not easy being a teenager. They’re growing up fast, trying to figure out how to fit into society, and dealing with issues such as peer pressure, hormones, and body changes.
Despite all that they go through, if your teenager is able to make time and put the effort to do some good things, take notice and encourage that behavior with praise and gifts.
6. Talk To Their Adult Friends
Parents and other adults who spend time with teens should try to understand them better. This will help them become more aware of the things teenagers do and say, and give them a chance to talk about these topics without judgment. If there is an adult they particularly get along with, request them to talk to and help guide your teenager.
7. Help Them Learn Islam
It’s not uncommon for teens to misbehave, but your teen doesn’t need to be one of those that do.
Their behavior is largely influenced by their level of fear in Allaah and connection to the deen of Islam. Learning about Allaah, His Messenger (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) and Islam will help your teenager to see the greater purpose in life. They’ll understand that fitnah is inevitable and that they have power over their actions and are responsible for them, in sha Allaah.
Bring home plenty of good books ad materials and leave them around. Perhaps your teenager will pick one of them up. Don’t expect immediate transformation. Keep trying.
These are just some basic ways to manage if and when your teenager misbehaves. Your teenager’s guidance is in Allaah’s Hands. So keep making duaa and doing everything you can to guide your teenager. Remember that your teenager is also your brother/sister in Islam and they deserve kindness and good words. So, always be nice to them and hope for the best outcome. Don’t give up on them.
If you have younger children, continue to parent them the best you can before they become teenagers. This will act as a good foundation when they become teenagers.
Because children don’t come with a manual, it can be challenging to be a proactive, thriving parent. Here is a simple, yet powerful, checklist for parents, with gentle reminders and hands-on tips focused on quality interactions with your children. Plus, it is formulated keeping their spiritual well-being and best interests in mind.
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